


Monokuma's Monokuma Theater Collection

by Mirror_Face



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: It's Really Just Monokuma Theaters, Monokuma Theater
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2020-11-01 10:08:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 3,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20813384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirror_Face/pseuds/Mirror_Face
Summary: This is a collection of short Monokuma Theaters that talk about many different things. It's just you and Monokuma as he questions and gripes about the world.(These are literally just Monokuma theaters)Chapter 25- EffortChapter 26- LaughingChapter 27- MoralsChapter 28- EatingChapter 29- Endings





	1. Entertainment

**Author's Note:**

> Monokuma Theaters were always my favorite parts of each game, so I'm glad I can make my own.
> 
> By the way, disclaimer: I don't really agree with Monokuma's politics and opinions.

“Now, I don’t know if I really have to say this, but isn’t entertainment the greatest! Well, of course it is! We all love our TVs, our books, our sport stadiums! Because why wouldn’t we?

“Hating entertainment is impossible, a super no-no! Only rocks and crabs hate entertainment! We all love doing nothing and watching someone else’s hard work, thinking, ‘Well I worked hard today, didn’t I? I deserve to watch this person’s labour.’

“But doesn’t that make you wonder, who entertains the entertainers? The other entertainers? What if the director of your favorite TV show loves watching you work at your office job? What if he hides a camera in your house and watches you file your taxes?

“Well, he worked hard, didn’t he? He deserves to watch your hard work, separated from your hardships, to separate from his, right?

“Well no! Of course not, that’s just creepy! He should just get a job instead of watching you like a freak! Maybe read a fashion magazine or something…”


	2. Failure

“Did you know that these days failure is in high demand? I know, weird, right? Honestly, makes me kind of wonder why I even try…

“But people these days don’t like friends and lovers with high successes, only failures under their belt. I think that maybe it’s because people want to be able to help fix a friend’s personal problem or something, y’know have a sense of ‘I did the right thing’, but my therapist says it’s because people want to be better than others, so who knows?

“That’s probably why all of the cool people have friends, but the uncool, poor kid is the one who everyone hangs around. It kinda makes me wonder what would happen if everyone was the same, then would nobody have any friends? Because when everyone scrambles to be at the top of the pile- a meteorite will end up killing them all. 

“Wait, is that how the saying goes?”


	3. Music

“Have you ever listened to music before? I mean, of course you have, it’s everywhere- at the grocery store, in a movie, a commercial, your boss’s office... But why exactly have you heard it? Why do people listen to music?

“I, honestly, don’t get it. What’s the point in listening to the recordings of someone strumming strings and singing pseudo philosophy in your ears? Is it because it makes you feel something? Well that can’t be it, everything and anything can make you feel something!

“Is it because music makes you feel light, and washes away all of your feelings? Pah! Ridiculous! Just go to sleep! Or just go and stand up straight and face the world like a man!

“Seriously, these music listeners are such cowards! And these so called ‘geniuses’ who made the music are just people who tapped a few beats that sounded soothing to people’s ears! Jeez! Anything can sound soothing to a person’s ears!

“What a ton of hacks!”


	4. Wise

“Y’know, I often wonder what makes a man ‘wise’. I mean, what if a man spent twenty years staring at a wall of bricks, and then he turns around and tells you that bricks are solid. Would you call that man wise? Why not?

“He’s telling the truth, bricks are solid. What’s the difference between him and any other ‘wise’ philosopher? Someone saying that ‘humans are selfish’ and ‘war is bad’ is just as ‘wise’ as the man who knows that bricks are solid!

“Saying things that are true doesn’t make you a ‘wise’ man, saying things that people weren’t sure were true does. There’s a complicated scale to it, I tried to draw it but it was just a bunch of scribbles. 

“People should just stop being idiots and draw the scale themselves!”


	5. Sky

“Am I the only one who wonders why people say that the sky is always blue? Because it’s just ridiculous! The sky isn’t always blue! It always depends on how you look at the sky. 

“Like, what about dogs? Aren’t they color-blind? What does the sky look like to them? We won’t ever know, but it’s not blue, I’ll tell you that.

“And what about the people in space? Is the sky blue up in space? No, I don’t think so! And it’s not just those times either! What about nighttime? Or sunset, huh?

“In retrospect, is the sky even blue? What if the sky is really yellow, but we’re all colorblind and yellow is replaced with blue and blue is replaced with yellow? We’ll never really know the answer, but one thing is sure, the sky isn’t always blue. So people should just get their act together.

“Because nothing is ever as simple as ‘the sky is blue’, because most of the time it isn’t even blue!”


	6. Space

“Isn’t it kind of sad how little humans improve in such a long amount of time? And isn’t it even sadder when you read old science fiction books that say that humans live on the moon by 2003?

”I’ve read this one book- The Martin Chronicles- it was boring and dull and very non-exciting, but the author thought that humans would have colonies on mars by 2006. It kind of makes me feel bad, like all of the people- now dead, of course- thought that they would get somewhere, but no one ever did.

”What a terrible existence! Those poor, old authors probably died sad and alone, not on mars, not on the moon, but still stuck in crummy, old earth! Shame on you for being too lazy to build a spaceship!

“Haven’t you ever heard to respect your elders? Jeez...”


	7. Context

“Isn’t context such a pain? I mean, if you didn’t have context then you wouldn’t have words or sentences that are out of context, because there would be no context to be out of!

“People make such a big deal of context, and I don’t get it! The idea of context makes you doubt everything you didn’t see. Like, seriously, you can’t read a quote from a news article without wondering if there is something more to it. Sometimes there isn’t anything more to it, and you’re just wasting your time!

“Context is what makes kids nosy, and not accept things at face value. You should always accept things at face value- because if there’s no secret conspiracy, you’ve just wasted time and effort. And if there is a secret conspiracy, well there’s probably a reason you weren’t told about it.

“So let’s just get rid of context altogether! It’ll make life so much easier! And maybe then we can accept that maybe a bear is just a bear…”


	8. Life

“Isn’t kind of weird how much humans love life? I mean, seriously! These people are obsessed! I just don’t understand, I mean, yeah, life is important- but jeez! 

“Humans are so infatuated with life that they force themselves to believe that there is life after death, the literal opposite of life! Ridiculous!

”They believe that their lives are so valuable, they even sacrifice their lives to gods. What’s a god going to do with a life? Eat it?

”Honestly, humans should just get over themselves.”


	9. Fiction

“Fiction is pointless! Pointless, pointless, pointless! Honestly, I just don’t get the appeal of fake people with fake problems in fake places doing fake things. It’s just an empty distraction, to make you forget what’s wrong, so that you’ll never fix your problems.

“That’s just the business industry, I guess. Because if you buy a book to distract you from your problems, you’ll never be able to fix your problems, and you’ll just keep buying and buying and buying, until your brain is just a pile of mush- filled with fake words and places! 

“It just makes me feel bad for the authors of these books, hiding away- alone forever. They probably just write fiction because the only person they can relate to and feel for are just pieces of themselves, the psychopaths! And so instead of trying to connect to the world around them they’ll just create a new one.

“Jeez, what a bunch of weirdos!”


	10. Salt

“Seriously, I just don’t understand what all of this ‘salt’ talk is all about! What’s the point?

“Is flavor that big a deal? Is that all you people can get out of your lives? Salt, salt, salt, you say!

“What is it with people and their constant need for taste? Do you feel empty without it? Is it thrilling, the jolt of salt and flavor? Is it?

“Humans should just stop eating all together, like me!”


	11. Time

“Why do people bend their lives around time? With schedules and clocks and calendars, it feels like people need the permission of time to do things!

“Why not go to school at night? Why not eat dinner in the morning? I mean, who makes these guidelines? And who says you have to follow them?

“Seriously, it’s so stupid! Time might not even be real, you know? You could just be planning your lives all according to an illusion!”


	12. Dreams

“People always like to think that their dreams have meanings! That there is something important to analyze within those dreams. That people will learn things about themselves, go on a dandy trip of self-introspection.

“Who even comes up with the guidelines for what certain things in dreams mean? Like, falling down stairs in a dream means you’re stressed about a problem! How is that even connected to stairs? That dream probably just means that that specific person is afraid of falling down stairs! Is that such a hard conclusion to make?

“Humans always want to dig deeper, it’s ingrained into society! Because, to them, there’s no meaning in life if there’s nothing to study! What a ton of cynics! Unlike me, though! I’m a very positive bear!

“That’s why I don’t dream!”


	13. Money

“Don’t you ever wonder why money is a thing? I mean, it isn’t a rule that society cannot exist civilly without money. Actually, who even invented money anyways? Why is it there?

“Perhaps it’s just a way to scale people, like a hierarchy. People always love to be able to say that they’re better than someone else. You know that in the olden days monarchs and the such would wear wigs to show people how rich they were? Like, jeez, isn’t that a bit much?

“Money is too ingrained in society. We should take a break or something! A vacation!”


	14. Punishment

“Y’know, these days, it seems like nobody likes punishments anymore! There are policies against that kind of thing nowadays.

“They say that all of that stuff is ‘immortal’ and ‘wrong’, but I can’t help but wonder about why. Like since when are all of these punishments bad? You guys have been doing things like killing killers for centuries, and now you want to stop? And for what? A sudden epiphany?

“And then the people who argue against your sudden beliefs are the bad guys, the rotten apples of society? Who’s to blame them? They’ve been taught to burn witches by society, and now they’re being told by that same society that it’s wrong!

“What a bunch of hypocrites!”


	15. Fiction II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, Monokuma must really love fiction. I wonder why?

“Honestly, I feel like fiction might as well be a ghost! Like, that stuff is dead, right? Only lame-o loners and Monomi read fiction! Who in their right mind would want to read the same thing over and over!

”Because when you really think about it, almost every single piece of fiction is the same! Fake character has fake problems that they must fake-solve in a fake setting with fake allies and fake enemies! Sometimes they fake-solve their problems, sometimes they fake-not solve the problem!

”I feel bad for those writers and creators, who waste their lives on something that doesn’t exist. That no one cares about... what a terrible existence!

“That’s why I recommend you be a journalist, nothing bad ever happens to them!”


	16. Words

“Isn’t talking weird? I mean who came up with that. Like why words instead of clacks and clicks, growls and grumbles?

“Who makes words anyways? Is there a building where you put in a word and someone submits it into a dictionary, where they can loudly proclaim that ‘gabberjog’ is a new word? Who has the right to say if a word is right or not?

“Can I get that job? I’m sure I have the credentials for it!” 


	17. Spiders (And Other Nonsensical Creatures)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monokuma hates everything but himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know where this stuff comes from.

"Have you ever seen a spider? Eight legged, creepy, with a million eyes? Jeez, aren’t those things just plain weird. Like seriously, lose some legs! 

“Actually, most creatures on earth are pretty weird looking, aren’t they? Like, what about rabbits? With their long ears, ugly faces, and disgusting eyes! Plus! Plus, they’re _vegetarians_! Yeesh!

”Snakes as well, they have no legs! Or nose! Or ears! Actually I’m pretty sure snakes just don’t have anything but their bodies. And dolphins, don’t get me started on those, the shark imitators!

“But you know what the best animal is? A bear! Because bears are cool and cute and cuddly and can do no wrong!”


	18. Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the short, weird ones. 
> 
> It’s also raining.

“Rain rain rain rain~

”If I go out there, I’ll die for sure! Bears don’t like rain! It’s like acid!

”Honestly, I’d rather stay inside”


	19. Pictures

“How hard is it to remember a day? I mean, do you _have_ to take a picture of everything? 

“Do you have to know in five years what the positions of the petals were? Honestly, it’s kind of ridiculous!

”I just don’t see the point in pictures, like seriously, it’s just a single second!”


	20. Stories

“Y’know, most people seem to think that an ending can make or break a story. That either everything is unraveled or pulled together.

“Honestly, I just don’t get why endings are so important. Because can’t anything really _be _an ending, as long as you end on it, it is the ending. Not very special, eh?

“I mean, what is a bad ending? Couldn’t you just stop a film in the middle, never watch it again, making that an ending?

“Why would you put so much value in something that can be made so easily?”


	21. Sayings

“What is the point of sayings? I mean, does does anyone even say sayings? How does something even become a saying?

”Does saying something often enough make something a saying? Because if that’s it, wouldn’t words like ‘a’ and ‘I’ be considered sayings?

”Augh! It’s just so confusing!”


	22. Arkoudaphobia (And Other Types Of Fears)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Halloween.

“Humans are sooo easy to scare! I mean, really, look at all of the phobias people have! Like, seriously, Arkoudaphobia? Who’s scared of bears? I’m adorable and cute and extremely lovable! 

“Then there’s stuff like Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, which is just ridiculous. How can you be scared of long words? Like jeez, what’s with those guys?

”I can understand fears like Arachnophobia, because spiders are just gross and weird and totally not charming. But when I see this kind of stuff I can’t help but laugh! 

”Honestly, just don’t be afraid! It’s not _that _____hard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long spaces between some words, some of these phobia names are really long, and my phone just couldn’t handle it.


	23. Alphabet

“Why is it that everyone speaks some kind of different language? I mean, like seriously, doesn’t that just make society harder to live in?

“Like, why would you create a language barrier between everyone, just because humans can’t decide which words they want for ‘rat’?

“Or maybe it’s some kind of ‘individuality’ thing. I can never tell with you humans...

“Well, it’s stupid either way!”


	24. Silence

“...

”...

”...

”...

”...

”...

”...

”...

”Honestly, people should do this more often, my adorable child had the right idea!”


	25. Effort

“Y’know, I feel like I’m losing all of my once endless charm and energy. Perhaps I’m just getting old, rusty around the edges, y’know? I feel heavy and dreary, like I’m made out of metal.

”I haven’t even been doing my signature laugh! Like, what’s Monokuma without his laugh, right? But whenever I try to do it, it dies out too fast.

”Puhupuhu... pu...

”See? And I just don’t know what’s wrong with me! I need my old spark back! My Monokuma style! But why should I be the one to try to get it back? I mean, I was made with it before, why should I waste my precious time doing something that I know I don’t need to do?

”Honestly, I just don’t get it...”


	26. Laughing

“What’s the point in laughing? Like, really, it’s just noise that comes from our mouths. But, unlike words, they don’t add anything or create anything.

What’s the point in doing things that don’t matter? That don’t effect anything?”


	27. Morals

“They say that cars are supposed to go fast.

“They say that lives are supposed to go slow.

“They say that murder is supposed to be bad.

“Who is this ‘they’ anyways? Just some wannabe moral compass?

“Why should I even trust this ‘they’, huh? What if they’re actually telling me the wrong things?

“Wait, what is right and wrong anyways? Is right even right? Is wrong even wrong?

“...

”Eh, who cares! I’m going to bed!”


	28. Eating

“Y’know, this one time I was shopping at this 24/7 super market when a sudden thought came to me. Why do I even need to eat?

”Like, I’m a robot! And a bear, so I probably shouldn’t be eating your trashy human food anyways. Why do I even _need to _anyways? Can I even eat?

”After that, I was a total mess. And I kept wondering, ‘am I really even alive?’ Because isn’t one of the big requirements for living eating? If I didn’t need to eat, what did that make me? A hunk of junk?

“It was such a sad time- and in my immense sadness, I ended up eating everything in my pantry!”


	29. Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ending for a collection that no one cared about.
> 
> (An odd number for an odd story)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite the fact that almost no one cared about this, I really loved writing this collection. It was fun and a nice break from life and my own writing in general. 
> 
> Monokuma theaters were always my favorite part of each Danganronpa game- weird thoughts and observations about life and living all through the unique eyes of Monokuma.
> 
> I’m ending this collection because I feel that can’t write anything else in this style anymore- not because of a low reader base or low enjoyment.
> 
> So, thank you for reading and have a lovely day.

“What’s with the sappiness of endings? Honestly, it starts to get annoying after a while, those executives and writers trying to pull on my heartstrings.

“Any person getting sad from just a piece of media needs to get a life! Those people crying at the last episode of their favorite tv show or making petitions to renew a series need to just calm down and get a job! Just watch something else!

“It’s not real, it never will be. And all of those tears that you shed are just as fictionus as the piece of media that you love oh so much!

”Well, I’ve gotta go and do my job- my income won’t make itself. Goodbye folks! Don’t forget to buy my all time exclusive merchandise!

”And remember, the only thing greater than hope is despair! Puhuhuhuhuhu!”


End file.
